i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
