Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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