I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
