Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So much Jack, so little girl.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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