Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
