i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Acid is not a monday night drug
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
