I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
