I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize