did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
