im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize