i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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