dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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