Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
