i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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