at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
