mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
