I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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