Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
