shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize