he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
