Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
