I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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