after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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