unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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