go do what you do best...puke behind churches
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
