Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
