So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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