You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
organizing the empties. That sober.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
