I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
