Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
