Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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