Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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