You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
