You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
