I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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