I accidentally had phone sex last night
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
