i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
