Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
