What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
