Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
