I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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