I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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