OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
