just survived the first fart of the relationship.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
