Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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