im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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