Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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