What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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