If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
