if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
