"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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