talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
