Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
