I hate all girls vehemently.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize