Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
