What did we do last night that was yellow?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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