I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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