two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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