tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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