ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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