so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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