i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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