Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
