Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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