Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Randomize
