I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
