I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
