just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
the liver wants what the liver wants
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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