Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
50% drunk capacity currently
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
