its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
