it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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