You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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