First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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