you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
