yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
