I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You are the jesus of drinking
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
