Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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