i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
